A family gathered together

Family together_Staats

This is a photograph of a family that’s come together to support one another amid a series of losses the past six months.  There is love and caring, trust and help. We’ve shared our laughter, our tears, our sorrow, and our togetherness; we’ve opened our hearts to one another, and we’ve learned new things about each other in the process.  When one of us was down, there was someone to listen to us, someone to comfort us, someone to hold us close.  There was someone to take the lead when decisions needed to be made or tasks needed to be accomplished.  I have a renewed appreciation for each of the people in this photograph.

With the recent deaths in my family I now understand first-hand the importance of photographing and preserving the memories that we collect over a lifetime.  This photograph was taken after the funeral service for my mother.  There was a mixture of sorrow and celebration in all of our hearts, but this is my family and I’m so very proud of our love and connection – something instilled in us all by both my mother and my father.

A mother’s love

A mother's love_Staats

My family has come together yet again, this time to be with my mother.  Since living by herself four months after my father’s death, she didn’t have the strength/will to battle the health issues she was facing.  On Tuesday she passed away with my brothers and me by her side.  As we process through this, I know this is how she’d want it, as family was first and foremost for her.
The night of her death, this photo fell out of a file folder – a visual reminder of the closeness, protectiveness, and love my mother gave to me, as well as my brothers, my nieces and nephews, and our extended family.
As we gather to celebrate her life, I know she will be proud of her family — seeing us all together to help one another through our sorrow and loss.

A life of grace between the lines

Fall sunrise over Sucker Lake 3543_StaatsAfter my father passed away last week we found that he had already written his obituary.  It was a factual listing of his life, his work, his groups and associations, and his family members.  But I’m choosing to look at his life by reading between those lines – to remember and cherish his true character.  My dad was brave and courageous; not only did he answer the call to serve his country during the Korean war, but he also faced (and won) a battle with inoperable lung cancer 15 years ago.  He was a teacher by words and example, whether it be math story problems or fishing and hunting.  He was supportive of all the things we were involved in –  football or baseball games, piano or choir concerts.  My dad had a wonderful sense of curiosity and adventure; he was always wondering what was “down that road,” what is “around the bend,” and “where does this path lead.”  When I was 10 years old Dad and I floated a river in a bright yellow canoe, to see what was along the way (and I think he was prodding my sense of adventure and trust).  He was an immensely talented man in his chosen career of architecture, and he left a profound mark on the people he worked with in that profession.  He had a fierce streak of independence and determination; his way was what he was going to follow.  But most of all he was a proud man, of his family, his children, and his grandchildren.  A lover and best friend of 62+ years to my mother, and a loving and committed father and grandfather.  These are some of the traits that my father did not include in his obituary, but the people who knew him will recognize them all.  As I was en route to see my father for the last time I heard a quote by Don Snyder:  “There is grace in an ordinary life.”  Dad – you exuded grace (and adventure) in your “ordinary” life.  Thank you.

The setting sun on a life well lived

As the full moon has been rising in the east there’s been a setting sun on my father’s life.  This past week he passed away at the age of 84, after a well lived life.  He met my mother in the third grade and the childhood sweethearts later married and enjoyed 62 years together.  Dad was in the Korean War and was proud to have served his country.  An architect by trade, his legacy can be found throughout the Kansas City area.  My two brothers and myself carry many of our father’s influence, one of which is the importance of family.  We all came together this past week, supporting Dad and Mom and one another.  Life will be different for all of us now, however we’re all richer for having had Dad in our lives.

Beginnings and endings

Honeymoon departure 7D_3013_StaatsI write this entry with a heavy heart.  Last weekend we journeyed south to the Kansas City area to celebrate the wedding of my brother and his new bride.  A second marriage for both of them, they had found happiness and joy and the excitement of their shared future.  Their honeymoon was planned to be a motorcycle ride along the North Shore of Minnesota – an area of pines, and water, and beautiful scenery.  They headed out from our house Tuesday morning and had the time of their lives as they traveled along the shore of Lake Superior.  But the joy turned to sadness in an instant when the bride had a massive stroke on Wednesday morning.  Emergency responders were there quickly and she was airlifted to a trauma center in Duluth.  My brother and I spent the next 36 hours finding our way amongst doctors, surgeons, phone calls and text messages with family out-of-state, and organ donation procedures.  In the end, the damage to my sister-in-law’s brain was too extensive and she passed away on Thursday.  We are all struggling with this untimely change of fate and the sudden slide from the joy of a wedding to the pain of a death.  I mourn the loss of my sister-in-law; a delightful woman who was up to any challenge, who loved her sons and her new extended family, who enjoyed fishing, and who was so very much in love with my brother.  And I mourn the loss to my brother who was so happy with his new bride and looking forward to their future life and adventures together.  I know that the pain will diminish with time, but the hurt is still fresh from these contracted few days.